At the Moulin Roach, You'll Have Fun!
by movie-freak127
Summary: Part of a larger parody of all movies, this is just the parody of Moulin Rouge part.


Disclaimer: Don't own any of this stuff.....I love Moulin Rouge though, so if anyone wants to get me it for Christmas or something....*wink**wink**nudge**nudge*  
  
A/N: This is one small section of a large parody I'm writing. I was just curious as to what other people think of it, so PLEASE let me know! Now, "On with the Show!"  
  
Suddenly, the lights died down. The music came to a gradual halt and the strangled moans in the background slowly dissolved as a lone spotlight appeared on stage.  
  
A redheaded youth jumped on stage wearing a set of incredibly baggy ringmaster's outfit that seemed too big for her frame. However when she spoke it was that of one who knew exactly what she was doing.  
  
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WELCOME THE SPARKLING DIAMOND OF THE MOULIN ROACH........."  
  
And with those few words, all noise ceased into oblivion as the spotlight found a figure dangling on top of a trapeze 30 feet up in the air............  
  
Far above the dance floor, the Sparkling Man-Ho, pride of the Moulin Roach perched, poised and comfortable in his diamond-encrusted speedo, surveying the prospective clients for the night. Oooh...she's hot he thought, meeting the eyes of one green-eyed female with the body of a battle-ax and winking, causing the diamonds glued to his temples to sparkle enticingly.  
  
  
  
His flock of Faith-Hill lookalikes were wrapping up their Cannot-Cannnot routine below. On a balcony easily in view from his trapeze, Zilderette gave him a thumbs up. Smiling broadly, and placing his equally unaustere tophat on his perfectly conditioned hair, he gave the signal to dim the lights.  
  
  
  
The dance floor cleared, and Zidlerette leapt onto the floor, uttering that line that indicated the beginning of his number. That line, he had heard so many times, yet it still filled his groin with fire.  
  
  
  
The trapeze began to descend, and, licking his lips, The Sparkling Man-Ho's breathy, testosterone-infused voice began to carry over the crowds, causing strong men to wish they were homosexual (or at least bi) and women to faint with desire.  
  
The spotlight found him, flattering his figure (which he took quite a delight to), casting shadows across his face, lighting up the eyes only. He could feel the trapeze lurch slightly, the stage manager was signalling to him that the song was starting. Glitter began falling, adding a lustrous glow to the already deathly silence. He opened his mouth, forming his lips to enunciate the first part of his most popular number. In a slightly ethreal voice he began, relishing in the effect he had on the customers of the Moulin Roach.  
  
The girls are glad to die for me.  
  
They delight in pulling hair.  
  
But I prefer one who is fair and goes on a killing spree  
  
He knew this was driving them wild. Still perched on the trapeze precariously, he was the ultimate in perfection, something they could dream of, always slightly out of reach. He began swinging back and forth on the trapeze like a swing, building momentum and finally as the trapeze lowered just a foot or so above the eager hands reaching up for him, he began his big number.  
  
A kiss from a friend may be quite continental  
  
But man-hos are a girl's best friend  
  
A kiss may be grand but it won't satisfy you  
  
Or keep you entertained until you're through!  
  
By this time, the trapeze was fully circling the room, he held out one arm, using his hands to slightly graze his adoring fans' fingertips. At last, the trapeze slowed down and he managed to propel himself onto a group of his back-up dancers and they supported him until he was in the midst of the massive throng of women. Like Moses parting the Red Sea, all made way for the Sparkling Man-ho.  
  
Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end  
  
He sang that line with a slight smirk, as if he knew he would never lose his charms. Oh no, not him.  
  
But from years of doing this we don't lose our touch  
  
Man-hos are a girl's best friend..  
  
This was going to be his best performance yet. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins and practically screamed the last line.  
  
Yowza..hot stuff!  
  
Catchy jazz music accompanied his chanting. Reaching for the many diamonds thrown at him, the Sparkling Man-ho blew kisses all around to the screaming masses.  
  
Cause we are living in a material world,  
  
And I know you're a material girl.  
  
He accentuated that last word with a forceful pelvic thrust and ran off, leaving the screaming from the women behind him.  
  
Come and get me girls!  
  
He disappeared behind the curtain for a quick outfit change, all the while getting the latest information from Zidlerette.  
  
"Oh my sexy gander! Do you have any idea who's out there?" Zidlerette was so excited her cheeks were an unusually flushed rouge.  
  
Unfortunately before he had a chance to answer, it was time for the next part of the song. With only a white tuxedo dress shirt on and his diamond speedos, the Sparkling Man-ho threw on a pair of shades, flashed his pearly whites and sang out from the stage.  
  
There may come a time when a guy pops the question  
  
But man-hos are a girl's best friend.  
  
There may come a time when a guy wants a wife,  
  
So come to me when you're bored with your life!  
  
Finishing his part, he slid across the stage a la Risky Business, cutting a very dashing figure indeed. The Faith Hill look alike chorus rang out on stage as he continued his conversation backstage with Zidlerette.  
  
He's your guy when stocks are high,  
  
But beware when they start to descend  
  
Man-hos are a girl's best...  
  
Man-hos are a girl's best...  
  
Man-hos are a girl's best friend.....  
  
"Yes my juicy grapefruit! Robin Tics Exslaav! Do you know what that means? She's the best agent this side of the Seine! You could be the next Derek Zoolander!" Zidlerette, unfazed by the song interruption, continued to proclaim joyously.  
  
"Oh do you really mean that? Do you think I could?"  
  
"With an agent like her you could be..."  
  
"A real model... in a real fashion show.." The Sparkling Man-ho breathlessly uttered, eyes overflowing with dreams.  
  
But before either of them could dwell on this fact, the song was nearing it's ending chorus and the Sparkling Man-ho once again took his place center stage amongst the writhing dancers, this time with the entire tuxedo ensemble on complete with his top hat from the beginning of the song.  
  
[skips in attempt to keep this PG-13]  
  
[insert weird trilling noise here and random shouting of "tiger"]  
  
He let all his heart and his dreams into the last line of the number, belting out the finale straining his vocal chords a bit.   
  
Cause that's when you need us for entertainment,  
  
Man-hos are a girl's best ...  
  
Adopting a breathless fluttering tone, he managed to get the last word out right in front of the very person he was looking for.  
  
Friend!  
  
"I believe you were expecting me........"  
  
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End file.
